"Tell me and I forget, teach me and I remember, involve me and I learn"
Benjamin Franklin
Sometimes a child will simply not fit the normal pattern and will require a different approach and this isn't something you should be afraid of. There are solutions to deal with all children regardless of how unique they are.
Let me share a personal story. I once had a child in my daycare that I found out had been dismissed from several other daycares due to her very violent and aggressive behavior towards her teachers and other kids. She would hit, scream, bite and otherwise act out in improper ways. When she first came to me she was trying the same methods she had learned up till then to get my attention. She would hit me, throw things at me, yell and scream just like before. She didn't want to listen to anything that I was telling her, especially when I was acting as the authority figure.
I quickly realized that I would have to come up with an approach that no one else had done previously in order to deal with her specific case. I needed to reverse the process and show her that the behaviors she had adopted simply weren't going to work on me. When she would act out by throwing things, hitting me, or would use forms of aggression to get negative attention from me, I wouldn't play into it. Rather, I would ignore these acts and would instantly bring up unrelated topics and questions to change her way of thinking.
"Kids require you most of all to love them for who they are,
not to spend your whole time trying to correct them."
Bill Ayers
For instance, if she started punching at me, I would say, "Do you like birds?" or "What's one of your favorite songs?" or "What color crayons do you like the best?" By my continuing to not take the bait, over time she stopped her aggressive attempts to get my attention and began to look for more positive, loving ways to interact with me. I then reinforced this by acting less like the bad cop and more like her friend. Over time she began hugging me more, holding my hand, wanting to sit on my lap to read a story together and in general found a new method of bonding with me rather than being combative.
Now that we were friends and not enemies, I started a process of reinforcing positive behaviors that would affect her deeply and would remove most negative emotions from her thought process. When she would do something gracious towards myself or another child in the daycare, I would applaud her actions and make her feel special, not like she's a problem, unimportant, or didn't matter.
Becoming the child's friend and not their enemy is essential. It's as simple as talking to them with respect, laughing, and bonding in meaningful ways while reinforcing the good feelings of love and comfort inside their hearts. Establishing these proper emotions and reactions in the early developmental stages will help them become more emotionally stable adults.
"As the tower of building blocks that you and your baby construct together
gets taller and stronger, so do the future communities of our world."
Jennifer Schwartz
If what we are talking about here is beginning to help you relate to an angry young child, and you'd like to get even deeper into the subject, I recommend you follow the links below to some well-written books that will explain it much further.
"How to be a friend" by Laurene Krasny
https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Friend-Friends-Families/dp/0316111538
"Cool down and work through anger" by Cheri J. Meiners
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8060619-cool-down-and-work-through-anger
"Redirecting Children's Behavior" By Kathryn J. Kvols
https://www.amazon.com/Redirecting-Childrens-Behavior-Kathryn-Kvols/dp/1884734308
If you have questions, concerns, or have some great advice that you would like to share on this blog, you can write me directly at: askadaycarepro@gmail.com
Love your kids, love your life!
Jennifer Schwartz
"Ask A Daycare Pro"
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